Emerging Aspirations

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Let There Be Light

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. He saw how the earth was without form and completely void. Darkness was spread across. God said, “Let there be light” and there was light.

That was me paraphrasing the first three verses in the Bible. It seems like right now in this world, there is no light. It feels like there’s nothing to pacify the chaos that’s going on in our world. Many of us are tired, fed up, and we feel hopeless. We’re tired of bloodshed on the streets. We’re tired of being targeted due to the color of our skin. Black people across the world are tired of being the ones having to carry this heavy burden on our backs. It’s tiring to see agents of chaos wreaking havoc on our community, people who don’t care about the consequences, because it’s not their mess to clean up. We ask, “Where IS the light??”

“Grandad, what do you do when you can’t do nothing, but there’s nothing you can do?”
“You do what you can.”
The Boondocks

For the Black Man/Woman Who’s Hope Is Drained

I understand that if you’re someone who feels like all your energy and hope has been drained from you, your heart is probably not open and willing to receive this message. But I implore you to listen. At least listen, and read. If that’s all you can do, that’s enough. But I’m writing this post to do all I can. I’m not expecting everyone who comes across this post to be completely renewed, or have their energy and hope completely restored. (But it is a hope of mine).

When I’m feeling drained and fed up, like I said in my last post, I allow myself to feel that. Trying to block your frustration, your worry and anxiety, is self destructive and extremely repressive. You’re basically opening your heart to allow poison to cripple you from the inside out. Do whatever you need to do to filter out your anger (just don’t do something destructive or something you’ll regret). Yell, scream, go off on social media, confide in someone, attend a safe protest. Feel the anger, the pain, cry, but then expel it. You can’t function if you’re seething. If your spirit is overrun with anger, it’ll eat you up.

After you’ve expelled the intensity of your anger, and your mind and body is as calm as it can be, here are some ways that I hope will help you distract yourself without being misinformed:

Ways To Distract Yourself Without Being Misinformed

Take breaks from social media. Right now as I see it , apps like Twitter and Instagram are really the best ways to stay informed. With the barrage of posts, it can get be very overwhelming and taxing to consume. So, go on Instagram/Twitter/Whatever app, in intervals. On iPhones, there’s actually a setting where you can adjust your screen time on any app, and it will bring you to a white screen when your time is up. Go to Settings > Screen Time > App Limits. This can help you manage your time if you struggle to do it on your own.
Invest in Black Businesses and Creatives! Remember, focus on the LIGHT. There are so many black artists, black owned business, and black creatives that are just trailblazers in their field. Make sure you re-post them, and flood yourself with their work!
Talk to people! Especially other black friends and family members. We are all going through the same kind of emotions: frustration, anger, confusion. Looking to these individuals will make you feel like you aren’t alone, and will help you process and work through your emotions.
Prayer. Invest in your faith. As a Christian, I pray to God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. God has not left us nor will he forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6) Knowing that God’s perfect peace surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7) Pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) And many more scriptures. In these I feel empowered knowing that I have a God who is sovereign, a God that is willing to fight on our behalf always. To be clear, God doesn’t do these things to us. He doesn’t want to see us in pain. Rather, I feel that people who have allowed evil thoughts, actions and intentions cloud them, is why all this chaos is happening. God’s got us. Two more scriptures: Proverbs 3:24 (When you lie down, you will not be afraid; Yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet.) and Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
Drink Water. This may sound simple, but as we are in some extremely traumatic times, you need to drink water to hydrate yourself. As said in this article by Solara Mental Health, dehydration is linked to depression and anxiety. Staying adequately hydrated can help you manage symptoms.
Do yoga/ stay active. These are great ways to keep your body moving, and distract yourself from the pressures of the day. With the proper breathing techniques, this can help pacify your sympathetic nervous system, aka your fight or flight response.

Please stay encouraged and informed by brothers and sisters. We are in very trying times, but as of right now what we need to do is stick together, check on each other, and shine each other’s light. I’ll see you in my next post. #StaySafe!

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Meet Kevin Pearce, an Up and Coming Black Entrepreneur

Last week, I had the pleasure of interviewing a good friend of mine who goes by the name of Kevin Pearce. A Prince George’s (PG) county native, Kevin is a 23 year old up and coming black entrepreneur. He is creating a business that will be designed to empower, uplift, and remove the economic stronghold that is placed on many individuals within the black community. He hopes to accomplish this by providing entertaining content and philanthropy. I asked him what the name of this business will be, to which he responded “Kevin Kadeem Pearce Excellence Enterprises.” I asked Kevin a series of questions regarding his business plan, as well as some personal questions that will give folks context on who exactly is the man behind the machine.

Julia: “What inspired you to create this business? “

Kevin: This all started back in 2016. I got to a point in my major where I began to feel like I had more to offer the world than what I was learning in my major. I liked physical therapy, but I felt like I had much better things to offer the world then telling some old lady to go stretch her hamstring, y’know. I told myself at the time that I had to start developing my side plan. I knew I was creative, I knew I was a writer, so I started by wanting to try to flesh out a TV show and then go from there. I began to think of my business plan when I realized that creating a TV show costs a whole lot of money. I began to think, “How much of this can I teach myself?” As I began teaching myself more and more things, it’s now gotten to a place where I can start releasing a lot of content for you guys, come June 1st.”

Julia: “Wow, all of this came from a TV show idea, four years ago?“

Kevin: “Yup, I was watching TV shows, and I started wondering, “How come there’s never a Queenpin?” It’s always a Kingpin in these shows, where is the bad ass black woman that like, kicks in doors, and knocks down chairs. Right now I’m fleshing out the idea, but that’ll be coming in 2024. In the meantime, I have a lot more content to push right now.”

Julia: “What are the specific economic strongholds that are placed on our people that you’d like to tackle?”

Kevin: “So to act like economic inequality isn’t related to racial inequality is just stupid. The descendants of the Rothschild’s’, Rockefeller’s, and Carnegie’s are still billionaires to this day. While these people were constructing railroads, black people were still picking cotton. There was a systematic hold on us, and wealth, education, property , and freedom, was systematically withheld from us. We were slaves in probably the biggest time of growth in America. We were basically human cotton gins at the time. Lebron James’ kids are what we’d call the first generation of black wealth. When will we get to a time where black wealth is a commonality? Until we get to that point where that happens, we won’t be able to level the playing field. But I want to do what I can in this time to make sure something like that happens. Maybe it won’t be in this lifetime, but I’ll be impacting the next.”

Julia: What kind of entertainment will you be using to engage your audience?

Kevin: “The flagship show is my podcast experiment entitled 301. I’m originally from PG county and I always loved Lilo and Stitch. I also have a bachelor’s of science degree in my background. So it all kind of fits in this sort of quadruple entendre. I’m just looking for the best people I can find and do amazing things in different fields. Right now I’m focused on finding people in the DMV, but eventually I want to cross paths to other places. I want to find people who do groundbreaking things in their field and showcase them. Someday a young kid may listen to my podcast, and when they grow up I want them to be able to say that they were watching my podcast and gained something from it. I also have another show in the works that will be like a Daily show, Don Oliver style political show called Kev.”

Julia: “Are you interested with collaborating with other businesses or people?”

Kevin: “That’s all I want to do. I want to put money in a lot of black people’s pockets. I want to get into a more hands on with things right now, but I’m hoping to be more hands off soon. Steve Harvey has a thing called “Vertical Money and Horizontal Money.” Vertical money you work for, and horizontal money you make while you’re asleep. However right now, my goal is to just push out as much content as possible.”

Julia “What are some short term goals you have for this company, and what are some long term goals?”

Kevin: “Short term goals I have is by next year I want to have an official business front. Right now my room is my studio. I need an official business address that I can send people to. Like here, go create your podcast, go create your album. Things like that. Long term goal is to make that space the biggest space as possible, like the Tyler Perry Studios in Atlanta. I’m gonna have a big picture of his studio in the background of my videos.”

Julia: “You mention in your proposal how people can help this company and your mission become successful by donating. Where can someone donate to your company?”

Kevin: “I have a go-fund me, and I want to start a non profit called the “The Beloved Dream Factory.” I want to eventually grow it out to a “Make a Wish Foundation,” but for now I want to start with things like backpack giveaways, turkey giveaways,and give out school supplies. With enough money and capital I can just go pull up on the kids with all the toys from Wal-Mart. They won’t even see me, I’ll just drop em off and sneak out the back.”

Julia: “Are you still interested in doing physical therapy, or do you hope that this business will take over?”

Kevin: “I’m still interested in doing it, but it’s just gonna have to wait for a while. If this gets to a point where I can pay off all my student loan debt, I get my PH.D. by 30, and I’m able to pay for my classes using cash, then that sounds like a lot of positives for me.

Julia: “How would you define success?“

Kevin: “I define success as reaching as much internal happiness as you possibly can. There’s lots of people we hold to a high standard that seem to be f*cking miserable. I don’t think it’s fun when TMZ starts making up relationship theories, you’re trying to work it out in front of the whole world, then you go on red table talks. It’s just a lot going on. Fame definitely isn’t part of the success thing. I’d prefer to not be recognized, but if it gets to that point where I won’t be able to show my face anymore, then I’ll just leave the country.”

Julia: “Who are some entrepreneurs that you look up to?”

Kevin: “Gary Vaynerchuck, and April Richardson Esquire. She owns a boutique law firm in the PG-DC area, and she opened up a food court in the Hyattsville-Brentwood area. I want to open something like that in the future so I can’t wait to meet her and let her know how much she inspired me. Why open a restaurant when you can open a food court with 5 black owned restaurants, and you don’t have to go everywhere in order to find a black owned restaurant.”

Julia: “What type of person do you think should be an entrepreneur?“

Kevin: “You have to be resilient. You have to be raised with the mindset that the worst thing that someone could tell you is no. You’re gonna have to keep going back to people. People like to say “oh they doubted me.. etc etc.” If people doubt you, you gotta make them regret it. Where people see tragedy, I see opportunity. Don’t wait around for someone to heal your mindset. You can reach out to people for help, but you gotta do the bulk of the work yourself.

Julia: “What mantra do you live by?”

Kevin: “Hmm, it kinda changes everyday, but one of them is “live your truth, so no one can use your truth against you.” Next would be, “measure twice, cut once.” “My last one would be the worst thing they could say is no.”

Thank you Kevin for allowing me to interview you. I really had fun and I can’t wait to see where you and this business goes, not to mention how much you’ll grow. Kevin Kadeem Pearce Excellence Enterprises drops June 1st!

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Don’t Let Your Past Trauma Interfere With Your Future

Hey everyone! In today’s blog post, I will be discussing an issue that has been on my heart for a long time. This has to do with the title above of not letting your past traumas interfere with your future.

How Trauma Impacts People

Trauma is something that many of us have experienced. Majority of the time, the trauma you’ve experienced is not an isolated incident. There’s been a series of experiences that have tried your will to live freely, and have slowly diminished your belief that there is good in others. These experiences took away your right to trust others. They did you wrong and took away your peace of mind. The peace of mind you deserved. These experiences have more than likely hardened your heart, and since it’s human nature to despise pain (whether it be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual) you do whatever it takes to block any kind of person from hardening your heart further. You end up not wanting to work through this pain because its too painful to work through. As a result, people aren’t able to develop deep interpersonal relationships with you. You then convince yourself, that living this way is normal. The “me against the world” mentality. You live this way, but you’re blind to how you are inadvertently poisoning the fruit you could bear from these relationships.

How I’ve Dealt With Trauma

I have always been someone who’s been pretty optimistic, but sharp. I’ve always called myself a realistic optimist. To me, that means that I believe in hope, I always look for the silver lining, but I never shy from calling out crap when I see it. I make sure that when I am angry or distraught over a person or situation, I allow myself to feel that anger and sometimes cynicism. Why? Because I am human. However, at the end of the day, I never allow myself to sit in my frustration or my sadness.

I never allow myself to sit in my frustration or my sadness.

It pains me when I see people who have no desire to open up. Do I understand why? Absolutely. But when I see that carry on for years upon years, it just shows me that these people have allowed fear to move in where love should be. These people have allowed fear to be their discernment. Fear drives their decisions, where they should go, and who they should talk to, rather than allowing wisdom and judgement be their guide. I know its cliche to say, but every experience you go through in life is meant to mold you. Life from the beginning was never meant to be easy. However, what I do believe is that once you mature and self actualize from these rough situations, life will become a more calm, less anxiety inducing experience.

What To Do

As a person who’s been through extreme trauma, and as someone who has recovered but still has her weak days, I urge you all to work through your experiences. You don’t have to do it quickly, you don’t have to do it a specific way (although it should be in a healthy way!) It’s hard, I know. It’s scary, you don’t have to tell me twice. But my God is it rewarding. The trauma wasn’t your fault, but the healing is your responsibility.

The trauma wasn’t your fault, but the healing is your responsibility.

Ask yourself those rough questions, “Why do I struggle to love myself?”

“What do I need from my mom? What does she need to know so that I can move forward?”

“Why am I seeking validation from a man that hardly checks on me?”

Self awareness is key to this. Self awareness is a powerful weapon. When you take those steps, acknowledge yourself for every step you take. No matter how big or small the breakthrough. Even if it’s small, you STARTED. Your future is too bright and glorious, to squander it for yourself. You’re here for a bigger purpose, a bigger reason. Allow God (or whomever you believe in) to use you for good, to use you to fulfill your purpose. What’s up ahead of you is bigger than you could even imagine. Tell yourself that everyday. Speak good fortune over your life. What’s the harm in that? If you can speak negative self talk, positive self talk is just another set of words to say. But as time passes, positive self talk isn’t just words you say, they become your reality. Allow yourself to receive the beauty that life has to offer you. Allow people to bless you, and say NO to fear. Don’t become complacent and obedient to fear. If you are, then you are in agreement with your own self destruction. You are okay with blocking your blessings. Don’t settle for that. Work on yourself, and heal. Whether it be confiding in a friend, seeking counseling (highly recommend) seeking spiritual counsel (I also highly recommend) whatever it is, just don’t succumb to vices, or fear. Date that guy, apply for that job. What’s meant for you, is for you. Nobody can take that away from you.

What’s meant for you, is for you. Nobody can take that away from you.

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you in the next blog post. #EmergingAspirations

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You’ve Been Ghosted?

Sigh, I’m sure you’ve been there before. I think we’ve ALL been there before. You’ve been ghosted, and now you feel like a total clown, a complete fool. You’re left with feelings of confusion, frustration, and even sadness. You may be recovering from a ghosting scenario, or it may have recently happened. On this post, I will be sharing with you a ghosting situation of my own, what I went through during these experiences, and how I recovered and became the illustrious writer you all know today 😉 So sit back and sip slow because this tea is what? Piping hot! (Shout out to you if you got the reference!!)

How I Got Ghosted

For any of you who is unfamiliar with the term “ghosted,” it means “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.” This can have devastating effects on a person’s psyche, emotions, and rationale altogether. A few years ago, I myself went through a pretty bad ghosting situation. This guy and I were in the same class during our fall semester of freshman year. We were good friends and all, but neither of us were bold enough to admit that something was cooking. It was pretty obvious, but no one made a move. Fast forward to the end of the semester, while we were watching TV in my dorm room, he made a pretty bold move. When I say bold, I really mean bold. To be honest I didn’t see it coming, and I was really taken aback by it. My mind just wasn’t ready, and I froze. I just didn’t know how to handle it. Fast forward, we just kind of sat there in an awkward silence and daze. Two people that couldn’t communicate because emotions took control.

Afterward, we went on winter break and I didn’t hear from him at all, he’d post on his Snapchat story and wouldn’t respond to my messages, and he’d occasionally lurk on my story, which really got to me. After winter break, he gave me the complete cold shoulder. He ignored me when he saw me, and pretended like I didn’t exist. This bothered me extensively, as I knew I did nothing wrong, but I felt like the executioner. I really felt something could’ve happened between us, and it hurt me knowing that I couldn’t explain my side. I dwelt on this for a while, but tried my best to live my life and move on from the situation. Eventually I did move on, and here’s how I did it!

Move on sis! (or dude!)

I reminded myself that it was not my fault. When someone ghosts you with no warning, either they got worried, embarrassed, or possibly realized that they do not want the same thing you want. They even could’ve had a boyfriend or girlfriend and dipped when things with you got too hot. Bottom line, this boy or girl obviously lacks the skills to communicate their true feelings, and do you really want to be with someone that doesn’t know how to be upfront if they have a change of heart?
Allow yourself to grieve! Being ghosted can sometimes truly feel like a breakup, or a deep betrayal. It’s rough when you invested your time and emotions into someone and they just drop you. Sometimes it isn’t even about the person that you lost, but it’s about lost potential. It’s normal to feel hurt, and extend grace to yourself in this difficult time!
Talk about it. Talk to friends, family, a therapist, and let the emotions and the pain spill out! You were hurt, and keeping it suppressed will only hurt you more.
I became friends with more people of the opposite sex. I mentioned this in my post about love lock in, but I just began befriending more guys. I began to formulate bonds that weren’t always about romance. I needed this in my life, as I gained insight into how guys think, and I had that male presence despite all of the feminine energy that was around. I learned more about the true meaning of friendship, and how we are supposed to uplift one another.
Do what you need to feel good about yourself. During this time, I ended up having a “glow-up” of sorts. Mentally, spiritually, but at this time it was more physical. I started to dress nicer, take more selfies, learn how to pose in front of a camera, and I told myself that I’m beautiful and this guy is missing out. I began to analyze my confidence and build character. I recognized more of my talents and stayed focused.
Don’t put a time on how long it should take to move on. To be honest, it took quite a while for me to recover from this situation emotionally, and that’s ok. Everyone’s journey is different, and we all take pain at different frequencies and doses. Don’t dog yourself if you find yourself hurting after a period of weeks or months. Be gracious to yourself and acknowledge the steps you are taking to feel brand new.
Forgive him or her. This may sound difficult, kind of crazy, and a little contradictory to my first statement. Some people really just don’t know how to communicate, or probably thought that ghosting you was the right thing to do. This still supports my sentiment that you shouldn’t want to be with someone who can’t communicate, however let the person go peacefully, as they were not meant for you anyway.

I hope this blog post helped anyone going through this unfortunate situation. Remember to know your worth, and that this situation is only preparing you for when its time to find the right one!

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Why It Is So Important to Balance Your Masculine and Feminine Energy

https://www.idrlabs.com/gender/test.php Link if you’re interested in seeing whether your more masculine, more feminine, or psychologically androgynous!

Now that the fall semester is about to be underway, I feel this is the perfect time to get off my break and get back into posting! Today’s post is geared towards a topic that has been on my mind for a long while, something I feel passionate about, and that is the importance of balancing your masculine and feminine energy. Known psychologically as androgyny- men and women who exhibit masculine and feminine attributes. I’m going to tell you why I feel this way of living is so vital, so stay tuned!

Today, we are living in a very different society that is now driven by women empowerment, seeking to break down the barriers and obstacles standing in the way of gender equality. This is the goal, however I feel that the initial agenda of equality has been changed. While I am all for women empowerment, seeing women rise to the occasion, I feel that media and people in the world traditionally have flipped the script. This being that women are dominant, and men are submissive, which has messed up the balance that is supposed to be instilled. Men are now becoming more feminine, and women seem to be becoming more masculine. While I’ve seen this across all races, this is very evident in the black community. Many women end having to pick up a man’s role as leader of the family, due to a man not taking that leadership role that he was destined for. This results in women having to play the “mom and dad” role, and the children being deprived of that physical masculine energy. Men by nature, were designed by God (the divine, universe, whatever you believe in/ don’t believe in) to be ambitious, courageous, strong leaders. Women, from the beginning, were designed to be nurturers, calm, and gentle, and to be supporters of men. This still holds true today, (such as when a mom hears her baby cry she begins lactating, also known as the let down reflex) however this doesn’t mean that this is ALL what we’re destined to be and nothing more.

This now brings me to the importance of androgyny. Androgyny is the balance of your feminine (receptive- yin) and masculine (active- yang) energies. Balancing your masculine and feminine energy no matter who you are or what you identify yourself as is extremely important. Society has conditioned men to suppress their emotions, while conditioning women to be subordinates. This is problematic, because this will leave a man to become emotionally dependent on a woman for emotional support. While this is a good thing, it can get out of hand as this man will seek control out of fear of his feminine identity being unearthed. For a woman, if she constantly relies on her feminine energy and refuses to channel her inner masculine energy, this can result in her being dominated, seeking validation from men who refuse to channel their feminine energy. This results in utter chaos and imbalance. See the pattern?

Psychological androgyny allows for harmony, peace, and creativity. Knowing when to be assertive but also gentle. Sensitive, but also rigid. This allows everyone to take on their respective roles and healthily blend the other traits. This helps men be the natural leader, but also helps them know when to lean on their woman for support, and knowing how to GIVE emotional support. This also allows women to be the nurturers and supporters, but also be strong and courageous for her man, her family, and the world.

I hope you all enjoyed this important, and in my opinion not discussed enough topic. I will now be posting every two weeks, so get ready for content, and I hope you all have a great start to your semester!

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See Your Potential!

Hey y’all! The semester is FINALLY over for me, which means I have time on my hands to start blogging again! It’s been a long, long few weeks, but I can honestly say this was absolute BEST semester academically. I went through a lot of changes, I was tested, my confidence was knocked, but now I am now back stronger and happier than ever. Today I want to talk about something huge to me, something I really had to learn, and that was seeing my potential.

This semester I faced a brand new experience. This experience was starting a field placement/ internship at a clinic that deals with children on the autism spectrum. Despite being a psychology major, I literally had ZERO experience working with kids on the spectrum, and I had little professional experience. The only two jobs I’d ever worked were on campus jobs, and those jobs don’t typically give you the kind of experience you need to work in your field. Going in I was pretty excited, but not long after is when I started to feel insecure, and I felt like I had to be perfect at EVERYTHING. I honestly just felt incompetent. About halfway through the semester, I experienced a loss in confidence that I hadn’t had in years. I felt like everyone was talking about me, I started questioning if this is a place I really wanted to be at, why I was there, etc. It seemed like every time I was there, I found something negative to think about. This in turn caused me to confuse my intuition with my insecurity. I was thinking it was my “gut” telling me to not be there, when it was really my mind messing with me.

Don’t let your mind f*ck with you!

Yes, you read that right, do NOT let your mind f*ck with you. Our mind really does have a tendency to play tricks on us, to make us feel like we’re not pretty, we’re not worthy enough, we’re not smart enough, etc. The way I see life is that it’s a balance of good and evil, or more realistically, truth and lie. Without evil, everything would be good in the world. Without lies, the truth cannot powerfully prevail. Do NOT feed into the lies this world tries to feed you. These are only meant to push you AWAY from your purpose and your potential. Instill balance within your heart, body, mind and soul. The way I do this is by setting realistic expectations. I do this by looking at the task at hand, judging what I know I can achieve, and then assessing the areas I need improvement on achieving. If it is a new task, I give myself a break by telling myself that I’m a rookie. Everyone has to start somewhere, and your superiors have been in your position before.

Your Time Will Come

A big thing I also struggled with and sometimes STILL struggle with is feeling like I’m not being recognized, feeling like I’m not doing enough. But if I’ve learned anything over the past few months, is that I’m already heading towards my glory. Right now, I’m being prepared. I’m being given the tools I need to shine and succeed. The universe is already aware of my brilliance, and it was made apparent in private. My breakout season is coming, and I just have to keep working and believing.

You Are

You are strong, you are smart, you are handsome, beautiful, and worthy of so much. Never forget your worth, and don’t settle for less. Don’t date that girl or guy because they COULD be everything you want, go for someone that wants to be everything you need in the now. Don’t turn down that job, you’re being put through an uncomfortable position so you can thrive. That’s how you grow ladies and gents! Through hardship, turmoil, confusion, and even seeing by example. But remember who you are and what you can handle. Don’t purposely put yourself through hell. Learn the difference between a challenge meant to make you grow, versus a detriment that will harm your worth, self esteem, and well-being. Start recognizing and cultivating your potential, and greatness will follow.

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How to Reach Your Goals: Passion and Motivation

Welcome everyone, it feels good to be back! Today’s blog post is inspired by something I’ve noticed a lot among my peers, and that’s a decrease in passion and motivation. Being an emerging adult, we are said to be very goal oriented and optimistic about our future, given that we are getting opportunities and breaking into the adult/ professional world. However, being a college student has its ups and downs, and can sometimes alter your outlook on your ability to achieve, thus making you less likely to work towards your goals. I’ve experienced this heavily, and I can say I’ve broken out of this for the most part. Here’s how I found my passion and motivation, and how I push on in the stressful but amazing climate college has to offer.

Think about the End Goal

For me, the number one motivator is thinking about the end goal, and what all my hard work is going to lead to in the end. To be honest, I didn’t pay thousands of dollars out of pocket every semester JUST to quit and not have a degree. Not to mention the time you spend working in college. This also goes out to all my business owners, or anything you’re doing on the side to elevate yourself. Think about the end goal, as it’ll make all your due diligence worth it!

Suck it Up

This may sound really blunt, but I gotta keep it real with this point. I learned that I had to suck it up. Life is not easy, and getting to where I want to be is certainly not easy. There were so many bumps, hurdles, and roadblocks that will come your way and diminish your confidence and drive. Knowing that, you need to understand that you’re stronger and tougher than all those obstacles. I told myself that I couldn’t have gotten this far if the end goal wasn’t for me. Often times I hear my classmates (and I’m guilty of this as well) complain about college, and we have a right to do so. Professors can be unreasonable, assignments can be excruciatingly long in length, we still have to balance having a social life, etc. However, it’s just part of the journey. Think about it, diamonds need pressure in order to become diamonds right? That’s how we all are, we’re just in the beginning stages. Another thing I like to tell myself is that I’m not the first to go through this, and I most certainly won’t be the last. You’re not alone!

Lean on People

To bounce of my last point, This is sooooo important. Lean on your friends, your family, and your support system. Friends especially if you’re in college. Having a solid circle of friends is vital when going through hard times, and when you’re feeling less driven than normal. Honestly, you don’t even need THAT many friends, just a few friends that can be there to motivate and encourage you. Make sure you’re aware of who those people are, and be open with them. Make sure these people are lifting you up, and inspiring you to become a better you. If you don’t have too many confidants, go seek counsel! Many colleges offer free therapy, and it’s smart to take advantage of that opportunity.

For me, having close relationships with solid people has helped me tremendously, as I felt that I had people that genuinely wanted to help me, and relate to me. These people also helped me take the pressure of myself, told me to be easy on myself, and that no matter what, everything is going to be okay and that I WILL succeed. I was reminded that these individuals are going through the same things as me, and that I wasn’t alone.

If it ain’t for you, Let it Go!

As a twenty something, we are just learning the ropes of life. Learning who we are and how we fit in the world around us. Even the most self assured people have these same questions. In my blog post from a few weeks ago that talked about career confusion, I spoke about how I went into nursing despite not knowing much about the field, let alone having a passion for it. I kept rationalizing and making excuses, and I just didn’t want to let go. Well I’m going to tell you right now, do not be me. I realized that I had a lot of time, and that it was okay to let things go and move on to a different choice. Staying stuck doing something you don’t want to do, or applying for that job you know you’re not going to like, isn’t doing yourself justice, and you deserve more!

Its okay to lose passion sometimes

Quite frankly, the reason I haven’t posted on my blog for a while is because I lost passion and motivation for it. Nothing specific lead to this, it just happened. I had to take time to myself and I needed to get re-inspired, and I was inspired to write about this topic of passion. Sometimes, you’ll be passionate about something, but you’ll just get lazy. That makes you human! If you’re feeling lazy or uninspired to work hard, maybe you need that source of inspiration to get you going again. Don’t put pressure on yourself, and take time to take care of yourself and learn what it is you really want.

I hope these tips were helpful and remember that its okay to lose motivation! Just make an effort to find your footing again, and I assure you that you will be successful.

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You have trouble expressing yourself? Start Journaling.

Welcome back!

Today’s blog post is going to be about journaling and self care! I’ve been journaling for a little over a year now (just hit the big milestone on March 3rd!!) and I’d like to share with you all how journaling has helped me through my journey, and things I do when I journal.

Y’all can’t tell me you don’t remember this episode.

Journaling has actually been shown to significantly reduce anxiety, as shown by research done by the National Institute of Health. In a study, they had young adults who all were healthy, write about their most traumatic/ stressful event, and they had another group of young adults write about a control topic. It was shown that participants who were highly expressive in their writing had a significant reduction in anxiety in the three month follow up, where young adults who had a low expression had a significant increase in anxiety in the follow up. Expressiveness ended up not changing anxiety level for the control group.

For me, writing in a journal feels like I’m writing my autobiography, or memoir of sorts. I know that may sound DAUNTING to some of you, but in all honesty, since its about you, your thoughts, and what you’re going through, its a great release. Here are some ways journaling has helped me:

Journaling helps me with self reflection. When your journal, you’re trying to get all the thoughts of your day out on paper. When you write what you’re going through and look over it, you’re able to think and process your situations, what you should or shouldn’t have did, and what you can do to help your situation.
In my experience, it’s helped with my working memory.This is also been proven to be true by the National Institute of Health. I started journaling in spring of 2018, and last week I decided to go back and reread all my journal entries from the year. To be frank, I remembered a good bit of what I wrote. There were only a few entries I didn’t recall writing, but I’d say I remembered about 90% of those entries, and I remember the events of those days pretty clearly.
Looking back. I kind of touched this in my last bullet, but journaling gives me something to look back on, to see how much I’ve grown, and helps me recognize that I was already amazing, I just need more refinement. I think that’s how it is for most of us. It also gives me stuff to look back and smile on.
Its calming. Journaling is a calming time where I just take time for me and no one else, where I just relax with my thoughts.

What to do when Journaling:

For me, I like to journal towards the end of the day. Once I’ve gotten through the day, its easier for me to process my thoughts.
I like to listen to calming music, like some jazz beats with rain sounds, chill hip hop beats, or piano (You can find all of these on YouTube!)
Personally, I like to make my entries long so when I look back on it later I can take myself through the experience. However, you don’t need to make yours long. It’s your journal, so write how you see fit!
I used to write every day, but now i aim to write at least once a week. Writing every day can be tough and sometimes you’re not always in the mood, but again, its your journal, so make it what you want!

Thanks so much for reading, and I hope I encouraged some of you to begin journal writing, or pick up the hobby if you left it. Journal writing is for EVERYONE, and poses many benefits. See you all next week and Happy International Women’s Day!

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Career Confusion: What Am I Doing?

Hello everyone! So I want to know just about how many of you can relate to that title, because I can ABSOLUTELY relate. Recently I spoke to a friend, and she was telling me about how she’s unsure about the career path she’s chosen, she’s losing interest, etc. Many people throughout college and the workforce have that exact same sentiment. I’d like to share my story on my career confusion and how I overcame it, and I hope this helps anyone that is having the same doubts!

So when I started my college career, I came in as a nursing major. To be honest, going into college I had NO idea on what I wanted to do. I was kind of all over the place, as I envisioned myself doing just about anything. Psychologist, physician assistant, publicist, lawyer, writer. You name it, I considered it. It wasn’t until I got further into nursing that I realized I wasn’t really interested in it anymore, plus it was getting harder. Couple difficulty and a lack of interest, and you’ve basically just concocted a perfect storm for failure.

It wasn’t until I came back to school for my spring semester in my sophomore year that I started thinking of physical therapy. I used to do physical therapy in elementary school, and I loved doing it. After some research and figuring that PT wasn’t for me,I found occupational therapy, and I saw that it was the perfect fit. I get to work with people and help them find their independence again by teaching them how to do daily tasks such as pouring a glass of water or buttoning their shirt. I’d say one of the values I hold closest to me is autonomy, and OT screams autonomy. Here are some points I have to help any of you suffering through what I like to call the “WTF phase!”

Know that it is OKAY to be lost. During this journey, I was afraid to admit that I didn’t know. I kept trying to push through, because I was afraid of investing myself in something else (Sounds a lot like lock-in!) but honestly, you don’t know until you try. Life isn’t a race, so be patient with yourself, and know that that feeling of being lost is only temporary.
Finding a professional identity IS challenging, but attainable. Like i said before, I was all over the place. When you have so many options AND limited time, it can feel suffocating. Don’t feel discouraged because of the endless options, but explore them gradually.
Build a positive self view and capital. In “The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now” by Meg Jay, PhD., she talks about building identity capital, which is “the currency we use to metaphorically purchase jobs and relationships.” Build your identity capital by finding what you love and enjoy, fix up your resume, get rid of toxic relationships, find out your core values, your strengths and talents (everyone’s good at something!) and what you need to do to give yourself mental happiness.
Get real life experience. Get out there and shadow! Give the organization or business your interested in a call and see if you can intern there. Getting a real life look at the work you’re interested in will give you lots of clarity.

Remember, that life is a process and a journey. Finding your calling won’t happen overnight, and even when you find it, there’s still probably going to be little shrouds of uncertainty in the beginning stages. However, career exploration just doesn’t help you find a career for the rest of your life, but it builds character, and also gives you purpose. Don’t give up on finding your purpose!

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What Avatar: The Last Airbender Taught me About Bettering Myself

Avatar: The Last Airbender is probably one of my favorite animes (cartoon) of all time. As a kid I never really understood the depth that the show went through with it’s characters. But as I watch as an adult, I see countless themes about one’s journey such as i friendship, resilience, believing in oneself, love, victory, abandonment, suffering, and many many more. Here are the biggest lessons I took away from watching Avatar: The Last Airbender, and hopefully you take away some too.

The first lesson I learned was to study the greats, and become greater. Avatar: the Last Airbender taught me how to elevate my skill and expertise. Avatar Aang didn’t just wake up and have all four elements mastered, he learned from Master Paaku, Katara, the badgermoles, Toph, and Zuko. He had to study their techniques in order to succeed. Same goes for when Zuko learned how to redirect lightning, or when Katara learned how to bloodbend (although she didn’t want to learn that skill) and waterbend. They had to train from someone great and study them, eventually becoming the best in their craft.

The second lesson I learned was about resiliency. All the characters in ATLA are extremely resilient. When it was Zuko’s mission to capture Aang, he kept getting beat down along the way. His father didn’t love him, Azula tormented him, admirals and generals made fun of him, he lost his title, his honor, but he never stopped trying. He struggled so much in life when it came to doing the right thing. After he betrays his uncle and gets accepted back into the Fire Nation, he realizes everything he ever wanted was in vain, and goes to join Aang and his friends to defeat the country that he so desperately wanted to be accepted by. It’s incredible that he made such a risky transition but still never gave up to prove to the world who he truly was.

Now there are hundreds more themes I could write about, but for now I’ll close out this blog post with this last theme, and that theme is insecurity.

To me insecurity is just pure uncertainty about oneself and their abilities, and the perfect character to talk that embodies this is Sokka. Sokka was riddled with insecurity ever since the Fire Nation raided the Southern Water Tribe. His father ordered him to stay back with the water tribe and protect them as he was the oldest male, even though he wanted to go to war and fight alongside his father. Since he was the only guy on Team Avatar that wasn’t a bender, this had him feeling less than in comparison. As a result, Sokka resorted to fragile masculinity and a false bravado. However, Sokka eventually uses this insecurity to his benefit. He goes from a pretty overzealous and naive teen, to a strategist and eventually master swordsman, as we see in the episode “Sokka’s Master.” Sokka realized that the only way to power through his insecurities and become a warrior was to face them, and come to peace with the attributes he couldn’t change.

There are so many wonderful themes and lessons that came out of Avatar: The Last Airbender (I may consider doing a part two to this post because there is so many!) and I hope this post inspired you to get better in your craft, be resilient, and overcome your insecurities!

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What Black History Month Means to Me

Happy Black History Month everyone! Black History Month is all about embracing the beautiful black skin that you’re in, and today I am highlighting the remarkable achievements made our black brothas and sistas, and speaking about what black history month means to me.

Black History Month reminds me of just how strong black people all across the diaspora are, and makes me remember all the courageous people that paved the way for me to live the way I do today. Many of these people endured extreme obstacles, and the fact that they were able to endure so much to me is pretty phenomenal. These include the greats such as Malcom X, MLK Jr., Rosa Parks, Medgar Evers, Huey Newton, Maya Angelou, and the list goes on. Without these people and many others, the African American community wouldn’t be where it is today. Through all of these wonderful and courageous people, we learned how to speak for ourselves, how to stand our ground, how to lead, how to write with power, and more. These people “walked it like they talked it.” There are still many issues and problems that need to be worked out, but the progress that our race has achieved is worthy to be honored.

Black History Month to me touches back on one of the five aspects of emerging adulthood, and that is age of identity exploration. With Black History Month being a time where all accomplishments made by African Americans are praised, it also allows people that may be lost in finding their identity a sense of pride. Black History Month as a child taught me that where there are struggles there are also triumphs, that who I am and where I come from is unique, and that overall, we as black people are just dope. Through it all, being black is a part of my identity, and I choose to walk with it in courage, pride, and style. Lastly, for all the men and women that paved the way for me, I give you my greatest thanks.

“In recognizing the humanity of our fellow beings, we pay ourselves the highest tribute.”
—Thurgood Marshall, first African American U.S. Supreme Court member
https://parade.com/260134/linzlowe/15-inspiring-quotes-for-black-history-month-freedom-is-never-given/

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Love Lock-in: How it Hurts Us, and How to Rise Above it

Hello everyone! With Valentine’s Day coming up I decided to write a blog post about love and romantic relationships, but I wanted to talk specifically about the topic of lock in. This is a concept in behavioral economics known as consumer lock-in. You may be asking, “What is lock in?” Well it is the decreased likelihood to choose a new option once an investment in something has already been made. I’ve known many people who have suffered through this kind of issue, myself included.

I actually got the concept of “love lock-in” from a book I’m currently reading called “The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter- and how to make the most of them now” by Meg Jay, PhD. In her book, she speaks of a client of hers that always jumped from man to man, looking at ANY man who gave her the time of day as the potential “one.” She looked at it as just practice, dress rehearsal. I can honestly say that this was me to a point. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t completely naive to the signs, and I didn’t blindly put all my eggs in one basket, I kept my options open. However, once things between me and a guy started to pick up, I put in 100% faith and effort, and even when things began to fizzle, I still wanted to put in that 100% effort, regardless of whether I got 50%, or even only 1%, back. I figured, “If we already got to this point, why cut the cord now?”

I feel this is a phase that many twenty-somethings/ emerging adults go through at a point. Not all, but a good chunk. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to want a loving, stable relationship with a man or woman that makes you happy. You’ve probably heard this before, but there is POWER in loving your singleness. Here’s how I finally reached that point and broke the lock:

I realized that some people are not worthy of my space. It became okay to cut people out of my life when all they did was drain and frustrate me.
I learned that I am precious and valuable, my time is precious and valuable.
I identified my strengths and made large strides to make my strengths even stronger.
I looked at my weaknesses and how to strengthen them by using the beauty of self reflection.
I LEARNED from my past situations. It helped me identify what kind of person I wanted in my life, and who I didn’t want.
I learned that people act with intention. If someone really wants you, they will go with what their heart desires and find you. There won’t be any smoke and mirrors, or blurred lines.
Finally, I grew tighter bonds with all my friends, and with friends of the opposite sex. This gave me more insight into how men think, and my perspective was diversified and broadened.

I hope you all learned a little bit about lock in, and hopefully my tips helped any of you who have suffered or are currently suffering from this issue! Remember, break the lock and love your singleness!