You’ve Been Ghosted?

Sigh, I’m sure you’ve been there before. I think we’ve ALL been there before. You’ve been ghosted, and now you feel like a total clown, a complete fool. You’re left with feelings of confusion, frustration, and even sadness. You may be recovering from a ghosting scenario, or it may have recently happened. On this post, I will be sharing with you a ghosting situation of my own, what I went through during these experiences, and how I recovered and became the illustrious writer you all know today 😉 So sit back and sip slow because this tea is what? Piping hot! (Shout out to you if you got the reference!!)

How I Got Ghosted

For any of you who is unfamiliar with the term “ghosted,” it means “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.” This can have devastating effects on a person’s psyche, emotions, and rationale altogether. A few years ago, I myself went through a pretty bad ghosting situation. This guy and I were in the same class during our fall semester of freshman year. We were good friends and all, but neither of us were bold enough to admit that something was cooking. It was pretty obvious, but no one made a move. Fast forward to the end of the semester, while we were watching TV in my dorm room, he made a pretty bold move. When I say bold, I really mean bold. To be honest I didn’t see it coming, and I was really taken aback by it. My mind just wasn’t ready, and I froze. I just didn’t know how to handle it. Fast forward, we just kind of sat there in an awkward silence and daze. Two people that couldn’t communicate because emotions took control.

Afterward, we went on winter break and I didn’t hear from him at all, he’d post on his Snapchat story and wouldn’t respond to my messages, and he’d occasionally lurk on my story, which really got to me. After winter break, he gave me the complete cold shoulder. He ignored me when he saw me, and pretended like I didn’t exist. This bothered me extensively, as I knew I did nothing wrong, but I felt like the executioner. I really felt something could’ve happened between us, and it hurt me knowing that I couldn’t explain my side. I dwelt on this for a while, but tried my best to live my life and move on from the situation. Eventually I did move on, and here’s how I did it!

Move on sis! (or dude!)

1. I reminded myself that it was not my fault. When someone ghosts you with no warning, either they got worried, embarrassed, or possibly realized that they do not want the same thing you want. They even could’ve had a boyfriend or girlfriend and dipped when things with you got too hot. Bottom line, this boy or girl obviously lacks the skills to communicate their true feelings, and do you really want to be with someone that doesn’t know how to be upfront if they have a change of heart?
2. Allow yourself to grieve! Being ghosted can sometimes truly feel like a breakup, or a deep betrayal. It’s rough when you invested your time and emotions into someone and they just drop you. Sometimes it isn’t even about the person that you lost, but it’s about lost potential. It’s normal to feel hurt, and extend grace to yourself in this difficult time!
3. Talk about it. Talk to friends, family, a therapist, and let the emotions and the pain spill out! You were hurt, and keeping it suppressed will only hurt you more.
4. I became friends with more people of the opposite sex. I mentioned this in my post about love lock in, but I just began befriending more guys. I began to formulate bonds that weren’t always about romance. I needed this in my life, as I gained insight into how guys think, and I had that male presence despite all of the feminine energy that was around. I learned more about the true meaning of friendship, and how we are supposed to uplift one another.
5. Do what you need to feel good about yourself. During this time, I ended up having a “glow-up” of sorts. Mentally, spiritually, but at this time it was more physical. I started to dress nicer, take more selfies, learn how to pose in front of a camera, and I told myself that I’m beautiful and this guy is missing out. I began to analyze my confidence and build character. I recognized more of my talents and stayed focused.
6. Don’t put a time on how long it should take to move on. To be honest, it took quite a while for me to recover from this situation emotionally, and that’s ok. Everyone’s journey is different, and we all take pain at different frequencies and doses. Don’t dog yourself if you find yourself hurting after a period of weeks or months. Be gracious to yourself and acknowledge the steps you are taking to feel brand new.
7. Forgive him or her. This may sound difficult, kind of crazy, and a little contradictory to my first statement. Some people really just don’t know how to communicate, or probably thought that ghosting you was the right thing to do. This still supports my sentiment that you shouldn’t want to be with someone who can’t communicate, however let the person go peacefully, as they were not meant for you anyway.

I hope this blog post helped anyone going through this unfortunate situation. Remember to know your worth, and that this situation is only preparing you for when its time to find the right one!